The Power of Setting Boundaries
Updated: May 28, 2020
Boundaries are one of the most underused ways to be the best version of yourself. You must learn to say “no.” Saying “no’ is probably one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do to ensure you are in integrity with yourself.
Most people are not used to hear “no” or respect “no.” To learn to say “no,” you have to explore how you react to people who say “no” to you. Once you are open to others saying “no” to you, start practicing it yourself. Say “no” when you don’t feel like doing something or when it doesn’t feel right for you.
Another aspect of creating boundaries is how you behave in your friendship circle. Be clear about individuals who are supportive and uplift you and stay away from those who only bring you down, or feed drama. Surround yourself with people who appreciate you for who you truly are. Now it the perfect time to assess your friendships and set boundaries around those who do not fulfill you.
Toxic relationships often feel a more deep-seated need to please others. If you are experiencing a relationship with a person who is mean to you or always makes you feel bad about yourself, knows that you are allowing this. It is OK for you to say “no” to that type of relationship. It doesn’t have to be a romantic relationship; it could be with a friend or a coworker.
To have healthy boundaries, you need to know what you value. If you value compassion, but you turn around and start criticizing and gossiping with a friend, you are not in integrity with yourself. Be clear about what you value and then match the behaviors to those values. That way, it will be easier to create boundaries and shift your behavior when it is not aligned with your values and beliefs. Once you are clear with your values, seek them in others, and surround yourself with people who have similar values to you.
Once you can recognize how you feel about the relationship you currently have and are clear about your values, it will be much easier to assert yourself. For example, if you are with a group of friends and one suggests something you are uncomfortable about, you can assert yourself.
Express how you feel and why you don’t feel like participating in that idea. The more you will assert yourself, the better you will feel about yourself. Just be mindful that you are not judging or criticizing others when you assert yourself. Position your thoughts in a way that it’s about what you feel and what you don’t feel is aligned with your true self.
But most of all, stop trying to please others because it is one of the most limiting behaviors you can have. When you please others, you completely forget your true self and allow others to dictate how you should behave, look, and even talk. This type of behavior is very destructive to the self, and it is pretty much “acting” yourself. You become an actor and live the life that others want you to live in.
Once you learn to let go of pleasing others, you start living your own life. You no longer tailor your experience to the image of others but more to what you want and who you are. By doing so, the people around you will accept you for who you are, and if they don’t accept you, they are not meant to be in your life.
Creating boundaries means recognizing that sometimes you do things to please others, and that has to stop if it makes you feel bad about yourself. Pay attention to when you say “yes,” and deep down, you don’t feel like doing something. Take the courage to stop trying to please others. For example, if somebody asks you to do something for them and you don’t feel it’s aligned with your needs, just say that it’s not a good time for you. You can also say “no.”
Doing what you want doesn’t mean your selfish; it means showing compassion toward what lies in your heart and do things that bring you joy, fulfillment, and drive. The more you will do things that bring you joy, the less you will need boundaries; you will surround yourself with people who appreciate you for who you are. You won’t need to say “no” because it will be aligned with your true self.
Once you start setting boundaries, you will notice your life-changing, and you will find yourself experiencing more positive moments. A life with boundaries is the perfect environment to be yourself and live your best life.
If you want to be the best version of yourself, you need to learn to say no and create boundaries. By distancing yourself from things that don’t align with your authentic self, you are saying no to distraction and hindrance to living your best life.
When you start respecting yourself, you put yourself as the priority. Many people believe it is selfish; meanwhile, when it is done for the right reasons, it serves a bigger purpose. It allows you to have the time, energy, and wellness to be your best self around others.
It will enable you to be present for others and, in return, uplift them too. When you find the courage to create healthy boundaries in your life, you quickly are rewarded with joy, happiness, and a sense of being the best version of yourself.